Grace Garden Preschool

We all want a peaceful, cheerful, even joyous atmosphere at home. Though our “to do” lists will always lie before us, now is the time to make happy memories.  Here is a list of strategies that help me to remember to “lighten up, Francis.” 

At least once a day, make each child helpless with laughter. Nothing screams happy like the sound of deep belly giggles.  "The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up," Mark Twain once said. How true.

Get enough sleep yourself.  It's so tempting to stay up late and enjoy the peace and quiet, but as we all know, morning comes quickly!  Most adults should be getting between 7-9 hours of sleep each night.  

Sing in the morning. It's hard both to sing and to maintain a grouchy mood, and it sets a happy tone for everyone.  

Wake up before your kids. We were so rushed in the morning that I started getting up half an hour earlier than my children. That means I can get myself organized, enjoy a cup of tea and get my bag packed before they get up. It's tough to wake up earlier, but it has made a huge difference in the quality of our mornings.

Most messages to kids are negative: "Stop," "Don't," "No." So I try to cast my answers as "Yes."  "Yes, we'll go as soon as you've finished eating," not "We're not leaving until you've finished eating." It’s a step in the positive direction of guidance. 

Look for little ways to celebrate. FUN FRIDAYS are a big hit in our home and are a huge source of happiness. They are as simple as beginning the day with a silly breakfast item, followed by a joke scribbled in their lunch notes. 

Say “no” only when it really matters. Wear a bright red shirt with bright orange shorts? Sure. Put water in the toy tea set? Okay. Sleep with your head at the foot of the bed? Fine. Samuel Johnson said, “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.”

When I find myself thinking, “Yippee, soon we won’t have to deal with a stroller,” I remind myself how fleeting time is. All too soon the age of Cheerios and the Tooth Fairy will be over. As Gretchen Rubin notes in her book, The Happiness Project, "The days are long but the years are short." Amen, sister!

Go forth and laugh, 
Kym

Once my son had started Kindergarten, our pick up routine involved a big hug and a question about the events of his day.  Our exchange would often go like this.

“Cooper, how was your day at school?”

“Good.”

“Just ‘good?’”

“It was fun.”

“What was fun about it?”

“A lot.”

Getting him to recount his day at school would sometimes try my patience.  "Good" was not an acceptable answer and much too ambiguous.  Over the years, I’ve heard many parents say that when it comes to receiving the details of this or that, their children aren’t exactly forthcoming. As frustrating as this clog in the information pipeline can be, it is completely normal. But the responsibility falls on us as parents to get the conversation going.

“This (kind of) exchange often becomes frustrating for both parent and child,” explains Dr. Atilla Ceranoglu, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School. “The common misconception here is the belief that children can sit like adults and have conversations face-to-face without doing much anything else. Reality is different — not only for kids, but also for most adults.”

A common mistake we parents make is that we ask too many questions. I don’t know about you, but I’m not particularly fond of an inquisition. Imagine how our children feel when we ask and keep asking – often not listening fully to the answers. And then, when we do take the time to listen to their thoughts or concerns or problems, we immediately try to fix whatever is bothering them. Not only are we not truly engaging in the act of listening, but we’re also teaching them that someone else will fix their problems.

Here’s what we can do, according to Dr. Ceranoglu. First, talk to them on their level when you do respond. For younger children, it often helps to kneel down and talk or play with them face-to-face. If your child is frustrated trying to communicate something, help him out by naming and acknowledge his feelings. And listen intently and patiently. To get them to open up, perhaps you do something together that he loves, like go to the park or throw a ball.


The effort you put into communication now will pay off later, says Dr. Ceranoglu.
“Talking to children from early on keeps both child and parent attuned to one another,” he says. “It is solid preparation for the more stormy, tumultuous days of adolescence.”

Trust me, with my daughter turning 10 this week, I’m all for that.

With open ears,
Kym

For the fathers and daughters of Grace Garden, next week’s Daddy-Daughter Dance will be a night to remember. There will be photos and balloons and frilly dresses. Cookies and punch and dancing - lots of dancing. The girls will run in circles, giggling at their double good fortune of sugar cookies and time with daddy. The daddies will sway to silly music, hoping that the night is perfect for their little ones. What a precious way to spend time together, and how important these “dates” are for your daughter’s future.

Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician who has counseled girls for twenty years, says that a girl’s relationship with her father dictates the course she will take as a woman. To become strong and confident, a daughter needs her father's time, attention, protection, courage and wisdom in her formative years.  In her book  Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know, she writes that the quality time you as a father spend with your little girl – be it talking, protecting, playing or yes, even dancing –  will be the single greatest  investment you can make in her.

Demonstrating for your daughter how a man should treat her when she’s older is invaluable. Listening to her when she shares her emotions and letting her know she is loved unconditionally will be the gold standard for her. With you as her role model, she will seek relationships that allow her to feel loved for exactly who she is, with men who won’t belittle or demean her but rather hold her up as someone truly special. She will expect the people in her life to treat her with respect, and she will not tolerate it when they don’t. 

A strong daddy-daughter relationship is the best protection against eating disorders, failure in school, teen pregnancy, and drug or alcohol abuse. It is also the best predictor of academic achievement, a successful marriage, and a fulfilling emotional life.

Hats off to all you fathers who will don ties and shimmy the limbo next week at the Daddy-Daughter Dance. You may be uncomfortable for a couple of hours, but your gift of time and love will last a lifetime.

Happy Hearts,
Kym

The 5-year-old girl sat on the edge of her bed, defeated. Her mother had not paid any attention to her antics. She had jumped on the couch, muddied her favorite pillow and then thrown it across the room. Usually her mother would stop whatever it was that she was doing and, frankly, yell at her to stop. Sometimes she would even shake her finger. But today, nothing! Her mother, meanwhile, was equally unhappy. She knew the pillow-throwing incident was attention-seeking behavior, and she wasn’t going to indulge. It seemed, however, that she was either yelling at her daughter or ignoring her these days, and neither was working for her. 

Children love attention and they will do just about anything to get it. If the only way to get a parent’s  attention is to do something bad, bad is what we’ll get. Try to catch your child doing something good. Find specific incidents that define good behavior, from picking up her toys to helping her sibling get a snack. Talk about the behaviors you want from your child, and then give them the opportunity to demonstrate. Call her by name when you see her doing something positive, and when she hears it followed by something positive, she’ll make an effort to get caught doing something right in the future.  You might say, "Kelsey, I saw you help your brother put on his jacket. That's great!" After she gets over the initial shock of hearing her name followed by something positive rather than negative, she'll smile proudly, stand a little taller and make an effort to get caught doing something right in the future.  And stay away from generic praise such as, "You were good today." Find specific incidents which define good behavior. "Thank you for remembering to pick up your toys," and "You took turns with your sister," describe the behaviors you want from your child.

Stay positive and keep the motivation flowing,
Kym

The sashes are out, and the wagons are rolling.  In case you’ve been under a rock under the last couple of days, you know the Girl Scouts are coming your way with loads of Lemonades, Thin Mints and Peanut Butter Patties. My daughter is a Girl Scout, so you’ll see me out there, too. Yesterday was our first day of sales and though we didn’t sell what we thought we might, we did come away with some life lessons.

Patience.  Our first house looked promising. Two bicycles in the driveway, a ball in the front yard. Kids like cookies. While we did sell cookies, it took about 15 minutes to make the sale as our customer perused her choices, asked her kids what they’d like, perused the order sheet again, and searched extensively for her checkbook.  Deep breath, and on to the next house.

Compassion. Three houses down, my daughter meets a woman who is not able to buy cookies. She explains that she has Celiac disease and is gluten intolerant and that the Girl Scouts really should sell gluten-free cookies. My daughter patiently listens as our would-be customer shares what it means to not be able to eat cookies that you so desperately love. Sigh. That would stink if you couldn’t eat Girl Scout cookies.

Appreciation.  Next she meets a man who cannot buy cookies because he can’t afford them. He may be out of work. Maybe he’s working hard to make ends meet. We don’t know. But we do learn that he loves Girl Scout cookies and would love to purchase them when he has more money. We decide that we’re very blessed to have sweets in our lives.

Perseverance.  Eight houses in and we’ve sold only a two boxes. But rather than give up, my daughter presses on. Perhaps it’s the thrill of the sale that drives her, or wanting to make her den leader proud. I think that she is learning what it means to complete a job and do it well. Though my heart breaks every time she walks away empty-handed, I have never been more proud.

For the next three weeks, the Girl Scouts will be knocking on your door, imploring you to buy a box or two. You may get your fill, but consider buying from them anyway. In the end, what’s one more box of cookies when investing in a girl’s future?

Scout's honor,
Kym

There’s a scene in the tragic Romeo and Juliet where the lovesick girl tells her guy that a name isn’t really important. It’s love that counts, she insists. 

Hey there, Juliet, you want to know what’s in a name?

A whole lot.

Just consider all the thought and energy Beyonce and Jay-Z put into naming their baby. The music super stars, as you probably have heard, welcomed their little girl - Blue Ivy Carter - last week. At first glance, it seems a bit strange, even by Hollywood standards, but rest assured, there was a method to their madness.  After all, Jay-Z has released three albums with "blue" in their titles: "The Blueprint," "The Blueprint 2: The Gift & The Curse," and "The Blueprint 3.” Ivy is a derivative of the Roman numeral IV and the number 4, which is a predominant symbol of the couple’s relationship.  Carter, by the way, is Jay-Z’s last name.

Whew. Who knew so much went into naming a child?

You did. So did I. As expectant parents, we spend all kinds of time picking out names.  Ask the new mothers around Grace Garden – more this year than any year I can recall since the school began, by the way – and they’ll tell you that they carefully chose the names for their babies. A name is a gift that lasts a lifetime, a way to identify your child wherever he or she goes.  As parents, we want to give our children names with substance, names they’ll be proud of throughout their lives. We don’t take it lightly.

I remember when deciding on my daughter’s name, for example, I considered many, many factors. The spelling of it, the way it sounded with our last name, its meaning, the myriad ways kids might make fun of it. Her first name was suggested by my mother; her middle name is the same as my mother’s.

When I hear your children’s names called out in the halls of Grace Garden, I am reminded how much they are loved by you, their wonderful parents. You put your hearts and souls into giving them names they’ll be proud of their entire lives.  And as they learn to spell and write their own names, you can already feel their pride. It’s the pride that comes with knowing that they are unique and special and loved for exactly who they are.

With much fondness,
Kym

The story of how the candy cane came to be is precious.  My chilldren ask me to tell them about it each year around Christmas.  If you don't know it, read on...

The candy cane had to be special to be a gift for the King of Kings, thought the humble candy maker from Indiana who created this Christmas staple. Not just any piece of candy would do. It had to be hard candy because the church is built on solid rock and God's promises are a firm foundation.

It would be formed in the shape of the Good Shepherd's staff. A "J" that would
also stand for the precious name of Jesus, the son of God.  But it had to say more.
White stripes would symbolize the pure nature of Jesus's birth. The red stripes help remind us of the love that God has for us.  It would be a gift of love that would tell His story - the greatest story ever told.

Have a sweet and wonder-filled holiday,
Ms. Kym

It’s often said that the notion of Santa and the story of Jesus's birth just don't mix. Santa represents commercialization, greed, our need for more. Jesus would be appalled at what Christmas has become, these holiday purists say, and that’s probably true. But I do believe there is a place for Santa when we talk about Jesus, and for me, it boils down to gold, frankincense and myrrh.

The three kings of Orient, the Magi, the three Wise Men. There are different names for and stories about these men who came from the East to visit Jesus after his birth. Many believe they traveled to the manger to pay tribute to the newborn king. Others say it was several years after his birth that these visitors paid homage to the young Jesus.  Tradition says they were kings, biblical scholars believe they were astrologers.  There were three, or perhaps more – no one is certain. But this much is: They came bearing precious gifts, gifts that are inextricably linked to the Christmas story.

Gift-giving at Christmas has gotten out of control. In our effort to make sure everyone on our list gets something, we do forget the “why” of what we’re doing. Are we buying gifts to honor the newborn king? What would Jesus think about the frenzy that surrounds this time of year? Further, what would Santa think?

The legend of Santa Claus starts with Sinterklaas, who was inspired by a real man named Saint Nicholas who lived in the 4th century. Saint Nicholas gave all he had to the poor, food and money and clothing, to keep them from falling into lives of despair. Nicholas was a selfless, giving man who lived out every day what is means to be a Christian.  It was no surprise that he was canonized – or that he became the inspiration for the bearded man in red.

I think the three wise men and Santa would have a lot to talk about. They’d probably discuss how gifts aren’t meant to fulfill our materialistic needs. They’d shake their heads at our need to buy, buy, buy at the risk of making ourselves exhausted and unhappy. To be sure, they’d want us to remember that when we give gifts, we do so to honor the person to whom we're giving the gift, not to add to their trove of material possessions.

A friend passed along O. Henry’s classic Christmas story, “The Gift of the Magi” for me to read to my children. It’s a beautiful tale of love and sacrifice. At its heart, it captures what Christmas is really about. The true blessing of Christmas, the story teaches us, isn't in the receiving but rather in the giving.

Tomorrow morning at Breakfast with Santa, our kids will get to experience the joy of giving when they bring toys that will be passed along to children who lost everything in the Bastrop fires. It is in this generous and selfless spirit that Santa comes to visit us, and why the wise men traveled so many miles so long ago. The gift of the Magi is the same gift Santa brings every Christmas. It’s the gift of loving others more than we love ourselves.

Fondly,
Ms. Kym

"If I were to establish a primary principle, it would be to constantly allow the child's participation in our lives ... To extend to the child this hospitality, to allow him to participate in our work can be difficult, but it costs nothing. Our time is a far more precious gift than material objects. ~ Dr. Maria Montessori 

I make a mean lemon meringue pie. Truly delicious, if I do say so myself. From the bottom of the crust to the top of the meringue, it’s always a hit. I am no culinary genius, nor a particularly fantastic cook. But I do love baking, and I thank my mother for that.

When I was a kid, Mom always let me work alongside her in the kitchen. She was never too busy to teach me how to bake. For her, making dinner or a pie was a journey to be shared, and she always took me along for the ride. Lovingly, she showed me how to measure and roll the dough for the crust. Patiently, she then stood beside me as I learned the intricacies of baking.  Those memories in Mom’s kitchen are my most cherished because, as Dr. Montessori so eloquently puts it, time is a far more precious gift. Nothing my mother ever gave me meant more.

As we enter this month of "busyness,” let’s make time for our children.  Let them stand alongside us as we bake Christmas cookies and make a mess of the flour.  The floor can be cleaned later, and the pans stacked in the sink. What our children will remember most is the time they spent with us spilling sprinkles on the sugar cookies, not the spotless floor underneath their feet. We have so many things to cross off of our lists, especially during this season.  But far more important than the success of a completed to-do list are the traditions and memories that our children will remember.

I have taught my daughter how to make a lemon meringue pie. She knows how to measure and roll the dough, how much to stir the filling - even how to whip the meringue in to a perfect little peak!  When we are here in the kitchen like this, I know she loves our time together as much I do. And when our lemon meringue pie is finished, it tastes just like it did when I was a girl. The pie is still delicious, but the memories we make along the way are even sweeter.

:)
-Ms. Kym

According to Mem Fox, author of Reading Magic, "If parents understood the huge educational benefit and intense happiness brought about by reading aloud to their children, and if every parent—and every adult caring for a child—read aloud a minimum of three stories a day to the children in their lives, we could probably wipe out illiteracy within one generation." This is a pretty bold statement, but one that many Early Childhood professionals firmly believe in. Reading to a child can and should begin as soon after birth as possible, as it will help with brain development, speech skills, as well as simply bonding with the child, which will help in other developmental areas as well.

It may seem to some that infants won't benefit from being read aloud to, but many experts on the subject disagree. Most people don’t realize that when a child is born, only 25 percent of the brain in developed; the rest develops within the first year of life. This is an extremely crucial time in a child’s life where reading aloud and simply talking to the child will help tremendously with brain development along with his speaking skills.

In his book The Read-Aloud Handbook, Jim Trelease gives several examples to emphasis the belief that there is a literacy problem in the United States. One such example follows:

"Every workday afternoon a courier shows up at the door of the fifth largest insurance company in America, New York Life. There his is handed a satchel of insurance claims, which he drives to JFK Airport. The satchel is then loaded aboard an Aer Lingus jet and flown to Dublin, Ireland, where American insurance claims will be processed by another people in another county. Why? Because New York Life cannot find enough young people in the metropolitan area, between the ages of twenty and thirty, who know how to read, write, and think clearly and critically enough to process insurance claims. Ireland has them."

There is a simple solution to this problem, read aloud to your children every day, even when they are old enough to read to themselves.  Reading aloud should be fun, exciting and pleasurable for both the person reading and the child being read to, if it’s not, the child will not want to be read to and consequently not like to read later in life.

Most parents begin working with their children by teaching them their letters first, then they move onto words and then the stories. According to Mem Fox this is exactly opposite of the way it should be done. If a parent reads aloud to their child early and often then the letters and words will naturally come into the child’s world.

When reading to your children some points to remember are to read books that you enjoy yourself, to read age appropriate books to your child, and read books to yourself before reading them aloud wtih your child.  Using books that your child doesn’t understand can turn them off of books for good.  Have fun

One other very important aspect of reading aloud to children is to discuss what’s being read to them. This helps the child to not only learn to read the words on the page, but to understand what they are reading, or being read to. A child can learn the words and read them from a book, but if they don’t understand what they are reading, then they aren't really eading.  So, have books readily available around the house and take them to the library as often as possible. Make reading fun, and make sure to read often. If you make the time, you're sure to have an avid reader who is, most importantly, an intensely happy child.

Here's to many books in your future, 
Ms. Kym