Grace Garden Preschool

Once my son had started Kindergarten, our pick up routine involved a big hug and a question about the events of his day.  Our exchange would often go like this.

“Cooper, how was your day at school?”

“Good.”

“Just ‘good?’”

“It was fun.”

“What was fun about it?”

“A lot.”

Getting him to recount his day at school would sometimes try my patience.  "Good" was not an acceptable answer and much too ambiguous.  Over the years, I’ve heard many parents say that when it comes to receiving the details of this or that, their children aren’t exactly forthcoming. As frustrating as this clog in the information pipeline can be, it is completely normal. But the responsibility falls on us as parents to get the conversation going.

“This (kind of) exchange often becomes frustrating for both parent and child,” explains Dr. Atilla Ceranoglu, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School. “The common misconception here is the belief that children can sit like adults and have conversations face-to-face without doing much anything else. Reality is different — not only for kids, but also for most adults.”

A common mistake we parents make is that we ask too many questions. I don’t know about you, but I’m not particularly fond of an inquisition. Imagine how our children feel when we ask and keep asking – often not listening fully to the answers. And then, when we do take the time to listen to their thoughts or concerns or problems, we immediately try to fix whatever is bothering them. Not only are we not truly engaging in the act of listening, but we’re also teaching them that someone else will fix their problems.

Here’s what we can do, according to Dr. Ceranoglu. First, talk to them on their level when you do respond. For younger children, it often helps to kneel down and talk or play with them face-to-face. If your child is frustrated trying to communicate something, help him out by naming and acknowledge his feelings. And listen intently and patiently. To get them to open up, perhaps you do something together that he loves, like go to the park or throw a ball.


The effort you put into communication now will pay off later, says Dr. Ceranoglu.
“Talking to children from early on keeps both child and parent attuned to one another,” he says. “It is solid preparation for the more stormy, tumultuous days of adolescence.”

Trust me, with my daughter turning 10 this week, I’m all for that.

With open ears,
Kym